I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
