Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
