A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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