Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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