Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
