is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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