Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
