I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
