If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
