a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
