I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
