Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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