i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
