I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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