i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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