I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
