I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
