Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
