Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
