it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
