It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
