The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
