Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
