i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How naked do you want me to be?
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