Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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