My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
