mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
