it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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