I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
