mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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