College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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