Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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