if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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