i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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