dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
