Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
