never play flip cup with pint glasses
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
