I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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