I need help removing her.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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