Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
