Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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