chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
