Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.