Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman