Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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