I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize