Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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