He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize