Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
