I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
