when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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