drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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