Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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