Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
