we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
did i walk over a car last night?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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