We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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