Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
