I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
