You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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