Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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