your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
