Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
