at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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