im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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