ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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