thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
