Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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