Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
