people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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