I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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