Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
