The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
