when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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