So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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