Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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