I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
