I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
