she looked like the before picture.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
