I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
