I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
