Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
try to milk me bitch
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