Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
