what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
