New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
